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(no subject) [Nov. 12th, 2010|07:20 pm]
Celebrities have been speaking about the suicides of gays lately, and honestly. I'm kinda of disgusted at some of the references they're using. Mainly the Madonna one where she says bullying a gay person is equal to lynching blacks and exterminating Jews.

Please tell me someone else sees the gross simile held within this.

Being a gay male living in America myself, I choose to remain objective to all things concerning the LGBT community, with the purpose to better understand both the hetero and homo outlook on a topic.

Yes, the bullying of others is wrong, I'm not trying to say it's an acceptable thing, however to compare it to the murder. look at that word again, MURDER of people, is appalling. These events, heinous shadows on the history of mankind are not able to be compared to picking and teasing someone until they willingly take their own life. I hope comparing bullying to outright murder doesn't catch on.

Suicide is cowardice if you ask me. Ask any gay man that has survived middle and high school, no scratch that, ask anyone that was an "outcast" in high school, the faggots, the goths, the nerds, anyone that wasn't part of the "popular crowd" We all got picked on, and I'm sure at some point in the education career; Have turned towards suicide as an out to end what we consider the worst parts of our lives. Bullying happens, and no matter what we as adults no matter the profession do, nothing will cease the bullying. Children may be the future, but that age is when children are at their worst.

To take those pills, put that knife to your wrist, or hang that noose around your neck, is letting them win.

I do not feel for those that have taken their lives, i feel for the families for the loss, but not towards those that could not find the inner strength to realize that life gets better after the annoyances of high school. When you can get away from your parents and truly be who you are.

I want any of you to think back in high school, because some of you readers will be saying "I never bullied anyone"


Everyone bullies everyone at that age, unless they're your friends. There is ALWAYS that person that you pick on because he's different, and that one person always picks on someone else to make themselves feel better.

All we can really do is relate to these children, Those in my age group, it's only been 5-10 years since we were in high school, those memories aren't so far gone that we can't recall them. If you're a teacher, or someone who deals with children in that age group, talk to them, let them know they'll look back on those days and go "That person was such a twat, but i wasn't the best person either"

But do not compare it to killing hundreds of black people, or mass murdering thousands of Jewish people.

Bullying will happen, there is no stopping it, children will find new ways to do so, no matter what we do, the best thing we can do, is let those that are picked know that they're stronger for not retaliating, for having the self control, and someday, those twats that picked on them will be bagging their groceries while they're successful, because they were told that life goes on after that.
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(no subject) [Aug. 20th, 2010|03:34 am]
It's been a while since i last posted, perhaps i should update. not even sure who all uses this anymore. however as always, i'm just posting to sort my thoughts and clear my head some.

Tonight was bittersweet. My best friend of 8 years, the boy i've had a crush on from the moment i met him until about two years ago, is leaving for Chicago with his boyfriend, and i'm heartbroken. I've been through so much with this boy, good and bad, that he's become like a brother to me, someone i consider family. and i said goodbye, drinking and dancing on the dancefloor. it was nice. I think it was a proper goodbye in our own fucked up relationship way.

so it's with a heavy heart, i said goodbye to Brandon. the boy that helped me come out of the closet. the boy who introduced me to pot, to booze, and to cigarettes. This is the same boy that helped me come to terms with who i am, and set me on the path to bettering myself (aside from substances) into being a sarcastic, loveable giant i am today.

The same boy that all those years ago, i posted about. saying i met an amazing guy today....at a driver's ed course, for our permits. when i was 15 years old.

...It's not really goodbye.

It's see you soon.
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(no subject) [Mar. 9th, 2010|05:14 am]
New things in life:

New boyfriend, about 5 months now.
Job Interview today at 9:30.
it is now 5:12 am...interview in 4 hours, and haven't slept yet, not sleepy. going to try and get a couple hours in before alarms go off in my apartment at 8am.

Seeing Alice in Wonderland tonight in 3d with Dylan (current bf)

FFXI based:

Got DNC to 30 last night, at 11pm i stopped exping it, switched to PUP and decided to use the gimped sub (2 levels til DNC is leveled up enough to be a leveled sub) Working out fairly well, i'm rather enjoying it. Campainged since 11:30, currently resting off weakness while typing this, Shadowfang wtfraped me, no clue where he came from, he just suddenly killed me out of nowhere. haha.

Past couple matches have been amazing, made 3.2k one fight, 2.7k the other.
this fight's been rather long, so i'm expecting 2.5k+

Addon @ 5:35am

Made 2,563 exp =] i'm officially 4k to 66. i'm starting to enjoy PUP alot more than i should
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(no subject) [Jan. 27th, 2010|08:03 pm]
It's strange, Brett and I have been over for about, 5 months now, so i've been doing the whole mopey break up thing, the angry i'm better off without you thing, then the whole being over it thing.

And during all of this, I finally realized the root of why I always pushed people away from me, Partially thanks to Paul being a good friend and being a sounding board, giving me feed back, and being completely honest with me.

It all stems back to me shutting myself off from the world when Kris died.

I hate to admit it, but i've pretty much lost contact with people, and not to sound mean, you, my online friends, dont exactly count. because I just use online games as a veil to protect myself from completely opening up. Yes, you guys are people, but it's not like i'll ever road trip and be like "hey, i'm in -your town here- meet me at this place and have a cup of coffee with me"

It feels good to realize the root, because now i can fix myself, and get back to society, as it were.

:) life's starting to look a little better.
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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2010|05:16 pm]

So i've decided my family's getting this song when i finally leave florida, except a few select people (Mom and little sister)

Christmas was the straw that broke the camel's back. Being told i'm going to hell for being gay by my grandmother and aunt in a 30 minute span finalized my distaste for my family :)
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(no subject) [Jan. 12th, 2010|02:05 am]
Trekkor Forest hates me XD

i've unclicked from my mount a million yards in the air about 7 times now XD
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New Decade, New Me [Jan. 6th, 2010|05:58 am]
Preemptive Cut, cause it'll be lengthyCollapse )
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(no subject) [Nov. 5th, 2009|12:58 pm]
haven't really updated in a while, just letting those that check LJ still that i am alive.

hope everyone's doing okay.
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(no subject) [Oct. 28th, 2009|01:04 am]
Updates in life:

My boyfriend of a year and a half (almost two years) has decided he wants to do porn ._. so i'm sitting here home alone, while he's off in miami being filme. It sucks, cause I really dont want him too, and he knows this. But he really wanted to do it for some odd reason. I'll support him until it starts to cause problems, then i feel it's going to come down to a "Me, or your 'job' " which i really hope it doesn't come down to that, because those never end well.

I'm bored with life overall, my life is really going down the toilet, the only bonus to Brett doing porn is the money he'll be pulling in, he said he'd pay for me to take a class at a community college, get my GPA back up, so i get my Financial Aid back.
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(no subject) [Sep. 27th, 2009|11:32 am]
Love, a simple four letter word bearing the complexity of a universe.

To some, love is just a matter of feeling strongly for someone. for others, it's reserved for people who make you happy.

For me, it's a lie. Love is a feeling that makes one do stupid things, to believe someone who you want to be with, is someone that could do no wrong. And i'm an idiot for believing "Love is all one needs"
Love just throws your universe out of wack. It makes you put up with bullshit you otherwise wouldnt, it makes you accept things that would otherwise bother you.

I'm sick of love. i want it gone.
I'm tired of feeling like this relationship is going no where. I'm tired of feeling like everything is my fault, or feeling like i'm a terrible person.

Mostly..i'm tired of love.

I need to escape from it's clutches, to become excempt from it's retarded laws, and just never feel that skip in my heartbeat that i used to have when I was kissed by someone i liked.

I want it gone. I want to be me again. I want to be who i was meant to be. I dont want to change for some guy.

...I refuse to.
If he can't take me as I am, then my love isn't for him.

I dont need this shit. I can be happy without the lie called love.
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